Bad Day? - We All Have Them!

Hey Everyone

I hope you are well and having a great week.

Recently I have been having a few ..... sh*tty days if I am honest. I have felt totally demotivated and felt like giving up, where my anxiety has completely taken over me and I didn't feel well on top of that. Now, I know we all get days like that but whenever I have them I then get into this mind set that I am not strong, a failure in life, a failure for feeling down and demotivated, like I don't deserve to have happiness etc... I think that is what makes it the hardest to pick myself back up. The thoughts that go through my head which are pretty much just putting myself down. It is okay to have bad days, weeks or even months (anyone else automatically go into the friends theme tune?). Even the people you see in the media who look like they have the perfect life and are super happy have crappy days where they are unhappy and feel like giving up. It is normal. And that is what I have been trying to tell myself.


The reason I am writing this post is partly as a way to get all my feelings out and make myself remember that it is okay and that having a bad day doesn't in any way make me a failure in life, but also for anyone out there having a bad day, week, month or even year (anyone else get the Friends theme song in their head again there?... okay I get it - I have an obsession). See, when I first lost my motivation on the weekend, I laid in bed all day watching episode after episode of Gilmore Girls (which is awesome, you should watch it) and hid away from the world. Whilst that is not always a bad thing to have 'me time', it didn't help my mood and really I probably should have forced myself to do something I love. Whether it be shopping, playing with the dog, filming youtube videos or whatever else it may be. By forcing myself to do it, I start feeling happier because I am doing something I like that makes me smile and distracts my mind. Okay, I know it is not as simple as that to get myself out the funk but it is a step in the right direction and all those little steps are what helps pick you back up right?

Something I have done recently is sit down and try figure out what it is that is bringing my mood or motivation down. I know some things such as my crappy health are out of my control, but there are also things that are in my control. Whether it be who I hang out with and talk to or a job or whatever else it may be. We may not realise it but by surrounding ourselves with things like; the wrong people or staying in a job that we don't enjoy or really isn't right for you - they effect your mood massively and to some degree are in our control to try and change. I'm trying to make some changes in my life which are hopefully for the better... even if it is for the short term where I have more and more changes again and again until I'm happy. Nothing in life is perfect but then again what is perfect? Everything we experience and feel in life is what makes our journey and is what makes us us.

Sorry if you feel reading this was a waste of your time but just felt like getting it off my chest but also to remind others who are having a bad day that it is ok.... we are all entitled to regardless of what we do or don't have in our lives. There is always someone out there that loves you and that is all that matters :).... and hey - I will always be there for each and every one of you!!

I shall let you get on with your day... make it count
Thanks for taking the time to read and support me with all the lovely comments I have received lately. They mean the world to me

Stay Strong
<3

Mental Health vs Physical Health

Hey Everyone, 

I hope you are doing fantastic and if you are from the UK, I hope you have had a lovely Bon Fire Weekend - mine consisted of me and my dog alone at home with him barking ALL evening. He isn't a fan of fireworks! 

Today, let's open up a topic that just isn't talked about all that much and has a huge stigma around it all. Mental health. It is one of those topics people just try and avoid talking about. And I can understand why, I mean it can be a very person subject and we instantly become very shut off and uncomfortable. It means talking about things we didn't want to. It brings up instant emotions. Everyone at some point in their life will know someone who has mental health issues so even if it isn't them who are suffering with it when a conversation comes up, they'll most likely know someone who is.

Mental health problems can often be part of a chain and can stem from many different things and completely varies between people (as with most health conditions.... it is what keeps doctors on their toes :) ). It could be from 1 thing or a few things or could just be one of those things. One thing it is often closely related and linked to is Chronic/Physical Illnesses. Let's start simple and break this does. Now, close your eyes (well maybe don't because then you can't read this unless you are magical... then you are pretty awesome), imagine back to the last time  you were sick and stuck in bed unable to move or function... how did you feel? Pretty darn crappy right?! Now... imagine that feeling and illness you had lasting for the rest of your life - oh and add in all the hospital trips & stays, test, accusations and life changing as you knew it. You'd get pretty low, fed up and lonely. You'd end up getting all these insecurities that you've never had before with life changes that are completely out of your control. You'd get all these new feelings that would effect you is so many ways you didn't realise were possible. And suddenly, before your very eyes, not only are you battling a chronic physical illness, but you now are also battling a mental illness. And just like that, you find your link between mental & physical health. (and breathe.... my fingers and mind were working so fast then... it all just oozed out my mind like jam does out a donut.... oo now I want a donut darn it haha!). Mental and physical health is not something to be joked around about though. It has massive life impacts.


It can work the other way as well. For example, let's say you have a mental health issue that  causes you to do things such as; stop yourself eating, make yourself throw up, overdose, self harm and many other things. Al those things can take its toll on your insides even if you can't see it and it can end up causing permanent physical issues due to the damage done to your insides. They are so closely linked (just like peanut butter and jelly/jam - oo now I want a PB&J sandwich.. dear oh dear) because well...... everything in your body is connected and so what happens to one part of your body can and will have an impact on all your other parts. It is like one big game of dot to dot.

So, next time you question someone's feelings or reasons for doing something or reacting a certain way, remember that just because they have been diagnose with either a physical or mental health condition, doesn't mean that they are doing it on purpose and that they are faking it or looking for attention and sympathy or thinks it would be cool and glamorous. You never know what battles other people are fighting or will end up fighting because of something else they are fighting or even because of what you or someone else says to them. Not everything is visible or said out loud. Many people choose to hide illnesses the best they can for whatever reason they feel. Sometimes people don't tell you because they are scared what you will say. Many illnesses be if physical or mental just aren't talked about. They are often topics that people make a stigma around and decide it shouldn't be discussed or make people feel bad for having it. That shouldn't be the case. All illnesses should be equal and shared. We are in the 21st century now people.... come on. 

I have no idea if any of this makes sense or has a point, but as with all my blog posts (and videos - matching one for this post on my channel now), I just type what is on my mind and hope for the best :)!! But seriously, please remember that every action causes a reaction and every physical chronic illness can (and often does) cause a mental illness and every mental illness can (and often will) cause a physical chronic illness. It is like one big science experiment! 

Well, that is all for this post. I would really love if everyone can start up a conversation about this and help support those who need it. Spread the love.

Stay Strong
<3

Staying Motivated & Inspired By....

Hey Everyone

I hope you are all doing well?

Over the years I have had my fair share of highs & lows.... I mean who hasn't right? The thing with life is something that happens or something you do today can and probably will effect you tomorrow and even many years later. I am slowly learning that we can choose to either let them get us down and we can make excuses to not do something OR we can use them to motivate us to do better, work harder and spread love and positivity. Don't get me wrong, I am not miss positive all of the time (or most the time for that reason) and I go through many patches where I 'm quite the opposite. Ask my family.... I am sure they'd happily vouch for that. BUT I have noticed that when I do certain things like watch youtube videos of whatever takes my fancy that day, it effects me in ho I am thinking. It is kind of the same thing as surrounding yourself by positive people and you will have a positive mind. The way they spread love, support & positivity just makes you feel so much more confident and not alone. Their work ethic and just life values really inspires me. 


I'm not writing this to sound like a weirdo stalker or obsessed person but to share with you things/people that really genuinely help me get through life in their own way and helps me stay motivated and inspired which, in a world that has a lot of negativity these days is something special. I swear... I'm normal... okay well not normal but not a weirdo either hehe :) 

The 4 people that really inspire me are Demi Lovato, Lilly Singh (iisuperwomanii), Zoe Sugg (Zoella) and my very special mum. Whether it be their music, videos, cuddles, positivity, girl love or support, that is what keeps me going and fighting obstacles thrown at me. I may not know 3 of them in real life (though I should be so lucky to even meet any of them let alone be able to call them a friend) but the way they are using their voice for good is what makes them relatable.

I recently watched Lilly's 'A Trip To Unicorn Island' movie, and honestly.... I felt so overwhelmed with motivation to work harder for what I want and positivity and love.I felt so blooming inspired after ... like just wow. The way she does stuff to help others expecting absolutely nothing back in return but working towards her goal just as hard.
Demi Lovato has overcome so much and has then used that to help so many others instead of giving up. Without her music be it the sad songs or the upbeat songs that make you feel confident and motivated... I wouldn't have got through many of my rough days and nights. Let's be honest we all have those times we just want to curl up in a ball on our bed, headphones on away from the world :)! It is like a way to let everything out in a healthy way by just listening (or shower singing) to the lyrics of the song and being able to fit it in to whatever it is going on in your life. I read one of her quotes and goals every morning before I start my day from her Staying Strong book which helps me start my day off well!
When my anxiety is high, Zoe's videos help me and remind me I'm not alone or crazy and can't still live my life achieving anything my heart desires. It shall not

defeat me!! There will be bad days but there will be even more good days.

And my mum (my dad too but I mean a mother daughter relationship is something special) - without her love and support I would most certainly have no motivation to fight or even go to doctors appointments. Sometimes a mummy cuddle is just the medicine needed. If and when I one day have kid(s).... I can only dream of being half the mum she is. The way she puts everyone else before her, the kindness... the list is endless honestly. I can't imagine not having her around to support me and love. Money and objects are just that.... objects. They aren't what truly makes you happy.... having even just one person there who you know has you back and best interests at heart no matter what is what warms your heart!! 
I also have one friend in particular (shh.... secret 5th person) that is there for me through thick and thin and always makes me feel good about myself. She reminds me that I can do whatever I want and anyone who puts me down or takes things out on me constantly just isn't worth the upset or the frustration because it is my life and I am in control of who I keep in it with me. With out her I would never laugh the way I do nor would I feel loved by anyone aside from family. 

All 4 of them have their messages of working hard for anything you want and believe in because it won't just fall on your lap, treating others well because even just a smile can change someone's entire day but most importantly, you do you because that's what we all do best... believe in yourself and love yourself. There are always going to be bad days and the truth is.... not everyone will like you, but that is okay and well... life!! You can never please everyone so as long as you are doing things that you truly believe in and are happy with.... go and blooming do it!! I definitely feel like I am beginning to find myself and what I want to do in life. Even things like filming certain youtube videos just because that is what everyone else is doing.... no Sophie - film what you believe in and are passionate about and it will shine through and you will be so much more content. It goes with everything in life.... don't just do something because that is what someone else is doing .... if you don't really want that you won't be content. So cheesy but would you jump off a cliff just because that's what those other people over there are doing? I very much doubt it!! 

I could literally go on forever but I won't bore you. I just wanted to share some things that have really inspired and motivated me helping me get through life and start achieving things I genuinely am happy with. I wanted to share some love and positivity and remind you that you are awesome.... I have definitely be thinking and seeing things in a very different way lately and even believe in myself a little more. 


You can choose to be happy and you CAN do absolutely anything you set your mind to ... with hard work and passion. Share the love... we should be celebrating people's success and not putting them down through jealousy or hate. 

Okay I'll shut up now.... 

Have a lovely day and remember.... You Can!! 

Stay Strong
<3

Mentally or Physically Worse?

Hey Everyone,

I hope you are well and having a lovely day.

I thought I would give a little insight into how day to day life has been recently with my health not being at its best (then again when is it?). A lot of people will just see this girl who says she has all these illnesses but still works full time and does cheerleading. I get it.... it must look quite confusing to those who only see my 'I'm okay and well and happy and living life' act that I do everyday to survive in life. Don't get me wrong, I know things could be a lot worse to the point I can't do that but people also don't realise that there is a LOT that they don't see behind closed doors. Don't judge a book by its cover type thing. It is the same with anyone regardless of an illness or not. You see what people choose to let you see and they tell you what they want you to hear. I don't mean people are lying but lets be honest, when someone asks me how I am, they're expecting and want a 'yeah I am good thanks how are you', they don't want a whole conversation about all the fainting, nausea, pain, doctors appointments (and there are a lot), medicine changes etc.... I mean serious though - who's got time for that several times a day? Plus, if you haven't experienced living with a chronic illness you just won't truly understand how I am feeling mentally.

Recently my blood pressure has not been behaving. I have had quite a few pretty nasty episodes over the past couple months with my blood pressure going so high that my body goes into shut down and I literally lose a few days to week of my life because I just don't remember any of it and am just not there. It is horrible. If I am totally honest, as much as it wrecks my body and takes me a fair few days to recover physically, it affects me more mentally. I am so lucky to have some amazing family and friends who stick by me and look after me and yet after them doing literally everything for me for how ever many days whilst I am out of it, I don't remember any of it. I can't say thank you if they have come round to look after me because I don't remember it. I know that they are fully aware I am truly grateful and can't thank them enough but for me I just find it horrible being so unaware. I have the same conversation about something with my mum about 7 times over and still can't remember any of it. I sit talking to my best friend who comes to see me.... and I don't even recall it and have no idea what she is talking about when she mentions it. I know these people don't mind but for me personally.... it really gets to me. Then things like missing half a week or so of work every other week, I know it isn't my fault and they can't say much even if they wanted to but I feel bad. It makes me feel like I am selfish for staying in a full time job but not being able to work full time in reality because of all these sick days (and appointments). Someone else could be doing my job and could be there the whole time that they are needed. I know it may all sound silly but these are the kinds of things that go through my head when something or someone is affected because of me and my mucked up body.

Mental Health Pain is just a
painful as Physical Pain

I've still been having Ketamine injections every 2-3 weeks which are helping with my day time pain but still only taking the edge off after eating. I can't get up and go still! I've also been taken off the Midodrine as they think that could be one thing contributing to my crazy blood pressure. They also slowly want to bring me off all my medications and then reintroduce them slowly and see if I can start cutting any out because my little body can't cope with all the medications I'm being told to take!! Each specialist just keeps adding a new medication on for whatever they are helping with but the problem is, they aren't communicating between one another or taking into account any other medications I am on to ensure it isn't going to cause any unwanted interactions. I get that each specialist is concerned about the part they specialise in but if you think about it, everything in your body is connected. So basically what happens to something in your brain will effect other parts of your body so in reality these doctors really need to be looking at the bigger picture. Not just their puzzle piece. But what do I know.... I'm just the one suffering! I am VERY lucky to have 

my pain specialist that I do because he genuinely cares and only does things that are in my best interest rather than getting me 'better' and shipping me out. Without him I would have had so many A&E and ambulance trips recently. I would be on even more drugs than I am on and potentially some strong pain killers that are going to end up killing me. He always makes time for me and always looks at every part of the body. He is the only one to keep an eye on my blood tests and levels of stuff which is kind of important - least I thought so.


Anyways, that aside, life has been a rollercoaster to say the least (ah that makes me want to go on a rollercoaster... just not sure how my head would deal with that haha). That being said, through all the emotions and physical issues I've been dealing with, I have been inspired and encouraged by people I have never even met. Someone I spoke to ages ago when I first started my blog and my Gastroparesis video and ITV news segment messaged me the other day. It was the day after another one of my horrible episodes that really took its toll on my body and on me mentally. My day was just going so badly... I lost all my motivation I had suddenly gained and felt like giving up. I received this message that was only a paragraph long but it changed my entire day and my entire mind set. It made me realise that I am important and do make a difference in the world and can help people in my own way. I can achieve things and use these horrible obstacles to get me bigger and better places someday.
When we say something to someone we don't know the impact it can have on them. A message from a stranger (well kind of a stranger... I've chatted with her previously but not for ages and never met her) and my day has gone from 'I'm done, I can't do this anymore' to 'I can do this, I am going to do this and going to work hard for what I want and not let people get me down'. She probably had no idea or intention to do that but simply by sending a kind message and spreading love she has for all intense purposes 'saved me'. The thing with mental health is once you get into that spiral..... it is very hard to get back out of and tends to spiral downwards extremely quickly and dramatically. 

Well... anyway, I will leave it there as I'm sure I've taken up enough of your day :)
Just remember, even that small smile and hello can completely change someones mindset, mood and day. Spread love and nothing else... well and awareness about things that matter but you get what I mean!! 

Have a lovely day/evening/week/month and year and I will chat with you again soon.

Stay Strong
<3

Words Can Hurt!

Hey Everyone, 

I hope you are all doing well.

Today I wanted to discuss something that is a much talked about subject. We all know that words we say to others can really affect them in many ways and it is no different for chronic illness sufferers... we are still human (or bionic if you're like me and have a pacemaker hehe) and we still get hurt by words and ways people treat us. 

Here's the thing, I spend A LOT of time at various hospital appointments to the point where I have at least one almost every week for months straight. It is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally - especially when you don't see much or any improvement in health or quality of life. I go to these appointments and tests to try improve my quality of life and to be able to try get to a point where I can live some what of a 'normal' life. That being said, in trying to improve my health and getting a life, I spend my life back and forth to doctors appointments and having to have a ton of days off work (which makes me terrified to lose 

my job if they get that fed up with the amount of time i require off) and not having a life! Now if I was seeing major improvements and things coming out of all these tests then it would be so bad, but, when things for the most part don't improve and nothing changes from all the drug trials and appointments and tests..... how would you feel? Would you feel like you are making the most of your life or wasting your life? I know it only takes that one test, or one doctor or one medication that could be 'the one' that makes my health better to improve my life but how many years am I supposed to keep going to appointment after appointment in the hope of improving my quality of life before I give up and just make the best of what I can or before I accept that doctors just don't have anything they can do to help? 

I always get anxious about asking for days off every 5 minutes for more doctors appointments as I don't want to lose my job. Sure it is not the job I've dreamt about and probably won't do it for the rest of my life but it still really bothers me for a few reasons. Firstly, holding down a job is my way of living a 'normal' life like healthier people. Secondly, it is a way to distract my mind from everything going on with my health as if I were to sit at home everyday I would go insane and just become depressed because of it and let my health completely ruin my life. Thirdly, like everyone, I need the money to be able to live and do things I want to. Everyone always tells me I need to think of my health and what my body needs more and that it is more important than a job, and whilst that is true in my mind as a chronic illness sufferer with illnesses I know I have for life and illnesses doctors just don't know enough about and realistically don't know what to do so they palm you off with tests and onto other doctors who do the same. I know that doctors appointments aren't going to end. It's not like an infection or an illness where you go to a few appointments have some antibiotics or medication and bish bash bosh the appointments are over and you can go back to normal. But... imagine having to do that for mostly likely the rest of your life. Imagine constantly having to let people down because a last minute appointment has come through. Having a full time job which you agreed you could work and then needing to do a 3 or 4 days week each week because of appointments.... are you seriously going to think about your health coming first each time OR are you going to get stressed about trying to keep a job because you know this illness for life and there are always going to be more appointments and which eventually is most likely to cause a problem with your manager because of the amount of time you need off and what they need for their business. Although they can't legally they can't sack you due to your health, they can make your life difficult until they manage to push you out by you quitting in which case your life is made more difficult and ends up in a horrible cycle which means more stress and in turn means your health is affected and deteriorates because of it making you more unwell that you were to start with.

If I were to lose my job because my health, not only would I suffer financially but more so emotionally and mentally because to me that is about the most normal thing I can do to feel like my health isn't completely taking over my life. So to me, when I get upset about appointments and more tests and more time off work and someone tells me 'well if you don't go to these appointments you won't have a life because you won't get better' I get so many emotions rushing through me that causes me to then snap. I get where they're coming from but it makes me so frustrated and sad and mad because all it feels like to me is I am spending my life going to drs to make my life better when in actually fact I am having no life because that is all I am doing with it. Can you see where I am coming from? Like how long do I keep going in the hope that something will help when in the 5 years this has been going on barely anything has been done with the test results and if it has, the majority of what has been tried hasn't worked and sometimes even caused worse symptoms because of side affects. It is easy to say to someone it only takes the one tablet or one doctor but when it is an on going thing and next to nothing is helping it isn't so easy to keep doing.

Everywhere I go or a lot of people I speak to who complain about life or health and how something is affecting it can really get to me at times. For example, I over heard a conversation someone had earlier today about their broken arm (which was operated on) and how having to go back and forth to the fracture clinic for the next 3 months is so frustrating and so inconvenient with work and life... now imagine having to go back and forth to hospitals and being prodded and poked for the rest of your life with the majority of those appointments really not doing much. It really frustrates me and I know we don't appreciate things or understand things until we experience them or lose them but I just don't understand why people feel the need to get wound up by my mindset or mood or nasty when I get upset by things life the millions of appointments. I'm 24 years old, I should be going out in the evenings after work and having the weekends to have fun but instead I am just schlepping from one appointment to the other and then being too exhausted for anything and in turn having no life. 

Sorry for this rant but it is something that has been on my mind for so long. Don't judge someone or be nasty to them or tell them they are being stupid when you haven't walked in their shoes. And that goes for anything, not just when it comes to chronic illnesses. Just like when people say people who commit suicide are selfish.... no.... they are not. They are in such a low place and state of mind and are dealing with an illness at the end of the day. You 

don't understand and may not agree with the thought process they are having as an outsider because you haven't experience it, you obviously haven't been in a place where you mentally, physically and emotionally just can't cope any more and can't see things ever getting better no matter what you try or who you have around you. You wouldn't tell a terminally ill cancer patient who decides against treatment so they can enjoy the life they have left to the best they can without the constant hospital trips and medication side affects. So why is it any different for other illnesses? Why can't people accept the sufferers feelings and thought process and frustrating without saying they are being stupid as it only takes one doctor or medicine even if it is 10 years down the line?


Please just understand that all of these physical problems cause so many more mental and emotional issues of which you can't see and can't truly understand unless you have gone through the same or similar. 
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject so please leave them in the comments below or on any of my social media (click on the word for the place you want to magically appear to join the conversation - Facebook - Instagram - Twitter)

That's all for now .... Have a wonderful day, evening or sleep where ever in the world you are (and whatever time is is obviously).

Stay Stron 
<3

What is important in life?

Hey Everyone
How are you all doing?

The last few months have been exceptionally hard for me. My body has really just given up on me and landed me in hospital twice in one weekend by ambulance (even got the sirens going). It has really made me stop and think about what is and isn't important in life and how un-be-lieve-ably lucky I am to have the most amazing and supportive family. So many times recently I have wanted to just give up on life and give up fighting. I have hated on life so much it is unreal. I have even turned round to my parents and said I can't do it anymore. The only reason I have done and still am fighting is for my parents, brother & sister. It sounds so extreme and sounds depressing or weak or harsh to say but it is the truth. I've always said that I am honest on here and use this as a venting place so that is what I am doing.

People always say that if you have a roof over your head and good health then life is good and you're lucky but the truth is having someone or people there for you through thick and thin is better than any physical item. I know that my family are there for me no matter what. We all say things we don't mean to each other and we all yell and call each other names but at the end of the day we love each other. I feel incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and to have people there for me because if I didn't, I honestly don't know what I would do or what I would fight for in life....

We all love our gadgets and love to spend our money on the newest make up or fashion trend and that's great.. but when push comes to shove, is that new lipstick going to help you through a tough time or help give you advice or the strength you need to push through when you're all out of strength. It really is true when they say money can't buy happiness. You can have all the money in the world but that doesn't mean you are going to get the support you need to get through the things money can't change. Now, I may not be happy currently or even enjoying life, I may do a bit of retail therapy and feel better momentarily but what truly keeps me going is my family. They give me strength when I don't have any left. They give me something that is worth fighting for. The keep me calm when all I feel like I am going to do is go into complete overdrive, panic scream mode!

Sorry if this is upsetting to some, but I want to be honest... for myself and others. I told my parents recently that I wish the ambulance man didn't help me and basically let me die. Quite honestly, it is how I feel lately since my health has really spiralled to a rock bottom I didn't know existed. I've faced some of the hardest things and felt the worst I have before and can't see the ending or white light to this all. I can't see my health ever improving letting me lead my life in a way I wish to do it rather than being stuck in bed. Now, I am saying this because, I always read or hear people talking about how people who kill themselves or don't want to live their life are selfish and it makes me mad. I know when I said that to my parents, I wasn't saying it from a selfish place I was saying it from a place where my head isn't thinking straight and depressed some may say. Both of which isn't a selfish thing. So then, when I think about those people who don't have an amazing family or support system around them, it makes me realise I have more than I think in life to live for and my health is just a big obstacle where adjustments will need making.

I wish I could be there for everyone out there who doesn't have someone... who is dealing with whatever it is they are dealing with alone. I don't know that I'd be able to do it. So, I want to start this post off and have people allow and support and help one another. Show people that they do have someone who is there for them and willing to listen and support them through their tough time be it health, school, work or just life! You are NOT alone. I would love for you to send me messages on Facebook, Twitter, on here or on Youtube and we can start a support group or anyone wherever they are in the world. (might even give you a laugh whilst you're on my youtube :)). Together we can get each other through it.

I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have my amazing amazing parents and siblings. I may not have good health, or live in the country of my dreams, or have the job I always dreamed of as a little girl.... but I have them and I love them so much and would do anything for them - even if that means fighting for a life that right now I am not so keen on... but who knows - the future hasn't been written yet and what we do today creates tomorrow and the rest of our lives.

Sorry for the rambley post and sorry there isn't even all that much structure, I just felt the need to vent and remind myself how freaking lucky I am to have what I have. In sickness and in health..... that applies for marriages, friendships, when you have kids.... anything...
And if someone can't or won't take you when you are at your worst or when you are sick.... they sure as hell don't deserve to be around when you are happy or doing well!! Support works all ways and can be the most powerful thing in life... even more so than any medication.

Lets support each other.... and together we shall conquer the world!!

Stay Strong
<3

That's What Makes You Happy

Happy Sunday Everyone,

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the long bank holiday (if you're in the UK)!
Sorry in advance that this is a little long but it is worth the read... I promise.

Over the years I've had periods of time where I have been extremely low and periods of time where I have been happy with life. I've had different definitions of what I feel makes me feel happy and sometimes have even felt low because I thought I could never be happy because of my extremely poor health. I've been so low that doctors, friends, family and work colleagues have notice and mentioned about it and the 'd' word ('depression') has been used on more than one occasion.

Before my poor health properly kicked in (and after tough years in school from bullies) I was enjoying life... I had great friends, great family, was enjoying college (never saw home I was out so much), loving living my dream of acting and then had the most amazing, life changing experience when I did Camp America. Sure, life wasn't perfect and I wasn't living my ultimate dream of living in America acting in movies and tv shows but I was enjoying life, had great people around me and experiencing a ton of things. My life then got turned upside down and it felt like I lost everything. I thought I'd lost all my friends and lost all hope of being in the entertainment industry and that my life was over. I felt like I would never eat again and was praying my life would just end (sorry if that's a lot to read). Nothing I was doing every went the way I wanted it to go and I just couldn't see myself every getting through it. I didn't want help from anyone and didn't want to go out or see anyone. I was finding ways to get through it and release all this negative energy in ways that just weren't healthy which I have never really gone into with anyone. I completely lost my way!

Over the past 6/7 months, my health took an even bigger turn for the worse and even more symptoms and conditions came to light. Once again, my negative mind set hit even further down that rock bottom. However, more recently, even though my health is still shitty (mind my french - sorry mum) I'm seeing things in a very different way. I'm managing to turn my negative thoughts into more positive ones, wanting to talk to people a little more and am beginning to find my way again. Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I want to curl up and not see or hear anyone - it is an on going thing. Nothing worth it is easy in life or happens over night.
I always had this vision that I would only ever truly be happy if everything was perfect and my health and body was in perfect shape. I became self conscious and felt down about things I've never felt like that about before. We see this image in Hollywood or even people around us who are all smiles and seem so happy with their (what we think is) perfect lives and if ours don't match that ours can't be. I would only ever see the negative in everything and was rolling out of bed not wanting to face the world.

There are all type of videos on the interweb... some extremely uplifting and inspiring and some that are ... well.... interesting lets just say. I became really inspired by the journey of a few youtubers in particular along with certain 'celebrities'. People who know me will know my absolute idol and favourite singer/actress ever is Demi Lovato. Between her, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Marissa Lace and Claudia Sulewski, something triggered in my head. They taught me that happiness comes from within. If you don't love you how can you expect someone else to? If you don't help look after yourself why should anyone else put their energy in trying to help you? If you take control of you life... how can you expect it to magically happen the way you want it? No amount of money can buy true happiness that will last.....

All the people above (and others of course) have said that happiness starts from within and that positive vibes bring in positive things. Everything we go through teaches us a lesson in one way or another and happens at a time where we are tested. Looking after yourself and seeing things in a positive way can really truly make a difference. These are the main points that I have been trying to

incorporate into my life:

• Making time for me every day.
• Starting the day by reading a page of my Stay Strong book that gives me an objective for the day to think about.
• Doing something about one thing that bothers me and trying to find ways to achieve things I dream of doing and not letting anything make me believe it isn't possible.
• Including some form of exercise or body condition every morning before starting the day (even just 2 minutes)
• Be more aware about what I put into my body
• Cutting people out my life who don't make me happy or bring positivity in my life
• Appreciating who and what I do have in life
• Remembering that being kind/friendly to everyone be it a friend, family or stranger can really change the way their week is going or even their day. - even just a simple hello how are you.
• Setting myself a goal/s that I know a practical and can be achieved with hard work
• Remember that everyone is growing through their own insecurities and difficulties that you can never truly understand but a simple hey or how are you can help them through the day. Being nice goes a long way

Regardless of how happy a person you are, some days are just harder but I have honestly noticed a huge difference just by doing the above 10 things and so have others around me. Don't get me wrong, I still have negative thoughts at times and let things get on top of me but I feel so much happier and have started seeing a future again. My little morning routine sets me up for a much better day. If you make an effort to turn the negative into a positive it starts to become more natural to think positively or at least have start thinking about both. Everyone is differently obviously but here is a quick break down of what I have been doing that has really been helping me to be in a much better place;

I get up in the morning, take my medicine and read that days page of my Demi Lovato 'Stay Strong' book that has different inspiring and encourages for each day. Once I have done that and been to the loo and all that jazz, I do a minute or two of mixed types of planks. Now although it is only a couple of minutes, it makes me feel like I am doing something good for my body. I then try and pick out healthier small snacks for the day rather than just chocolate and crisps (they're still included though duh) that I can keep myself going for the day. Once I have done that I then get myself dressed and ready for the day. I've started trying to turn negative things or things I thought were horrible into positive things and ways that they are a positive thing. Although none of these are major things, together they all work together to have some positive structure to my own life. 

In doing this, I have started feeling a passion about things I had lost passion for or had given up on. It has shown me that everything can be changed when we put our mind to it. Happiness isn't about having the perfect figure, or perfect health and a ton of friends with a huge pay check each month. Happiness comes from what we make of life. If we don't make an effort to work towards what our heart desires and how we choose to make our life. If we have people around us who put us down all the time, how can you ever feel good about things? How you wake up and start your day is what sets up the rest of the day. We will never be able to make everyone else happy with what we do, but as long as we make ourselves happy.... who cares!

I've started looking into things that I want to achieve and experience in the future and begun to find me again. I've learnt who my true friends are and to be honest, I wouldn't even say I lost any friends in the process, I've just found out who were actually friends and who was there for good times and for them. The mind is a very powerful thing. What is the point of just existing? Why earn money just to live when you can earn it to experience things that will make you never want life to end and make you love it and smile. A smile is priceless!!

I'd love to hear the things you do and what things you would say are what really makes you happy.

Have a great day

Stay Strong

<3

What is E.D.S?

Hey Everyone
How are you all? Enjoying the sun?

HAPPY MAY EDS AWARENESS MONTH: 
So incase you couldn't guess, for today's post I thought I would talk to you all and explain a little bit about Ehlers-Danlos Sydrome (E.D.S). It is a condition I have been diagnosed with and one that is not really known or understood by people. I did a matching Youtube Video 
explaining E.D.S so if you are more of a watcher and listening than a reader, I hear ya but also you can click HERE and it will take you to it. If you like to read or do both.... Lets do this! 


Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or E.D.S as it is known for short is an inherited condition (but it could be that you didn't inherit it and are the first to get it - everything gotta start somewhere eh?) that affects the connective tissues in the body. The connective tissue is made up of cells, fibrous material and a protein called collagen. It is the ''glue'' that is responsible for supporting and holding together the structure of the skin, blood vessels, bones and organs. Nothing major.. you know! 

There are 6 types of EDS and depending on what type you have is dependant of which gene is faulty and making the connective tissue weaker. EDS is one of those conditions where it can vary hugely between patients and could be that it is relatively mild in the way it affects the person to completely disabling. In some of the rarer cases severe type it can be life-threatening.

These are the 6 different types of EDS;
CLASSICAL EDS - Although one of the main 3 types of EDS, it is rare and not seen very often at al. It affects the skin more than anything but still comes with a very similar set of symptoms to many of the other types of EDS. 

HYPERMOBILITY EDS - This type of EDS is also known as Type 3 (and is the most common type) and is often thought to be very similar to joint hyper mobility syndrome. Though you still have some skin issues such as bruising easily, there are more problems with the joints and "inside the body" issues which we will go into. 

VASCULAR EDS - Again, although it is one of the main 3 types of EDS, it is rare but is often considered to be the most serious. It affects the blood vessels and internal organs which can cause them to split open and in severe cases lead to life threatening bleeding.

ARTHROCHALASIA EDS - This is a rare type of EDS and its major diagnostic criteria is severe joint hyper mobility with recurrent sub laxations (dislocations) and more to the point hip dislocation.

KYPHOSCOLIOTIC EDS - This is a very rare type of EDS and is a lot to do with the curvature of the spine and weak muscles as well as joint hyper mobility and fragile eyes.

DERMATOSPARAXIS EDS - This also is a rare type of EDS and has similarities to the Classical EDS in that it has a lot to do with the skin. It is severely fragile and can often sag. Hernias are often related to this type of EDS. 

What are the symptoms I hear you screaming (well you might not be, you might just be thinking it but details details)? Symptoms vary between people as well as slightly between the different types here are the general symptoms:

Symptoms
- Easily Bruised
- Increased Joint Range
- Stretchy Skin
- Soft Skin
- Extreme Fatigue (tiredness) 
- Digestive Problems (Gastroparesis is now often being associated with EDS)
- Bowel Problems
- Bladder Problems
- Dizziness/Lightheadedness (PoTs or similar are often associated with EDS patients)
- Organ Problems
- Muscle & Joint Pain
- Fragile Blood Vessels (mainly associated with Vascular EDS)
- Skin Slow To Heal (mainly associated with the 3 main types of EDS)
- Curving of the Spine (mainly associated with Kyphoscoliotic EDS)
- Weak Muscles

Now these don't cover all symptoms and the severity of each symptom can vary from person to person.

Is it just me or can I now hear you shouting how do they diagnose EDS? Just me? Oh well I shall tell you anyways. 

There aren't really any particular tests they can do to diagnose EDS it is more based of symptoms and what the doctor can see. There is a genetic test that can be done for all of the EDS types apart from the Hypermobility type as the problem gene as not yet been identified meaning they can't test for it. Doctors will use this test to confirm a diagnosis that they will make based on symptoms and what they can see. For the hyper mobility type of EDS, the Beighton Score Test is often used. It is a score out of nine where you get points based on the flexibility is certain areas. The different things you get points for are: 

The results of this mixed with other symptoms is how a doctor would diagnose the Hypermobility type of EDS.

There is unfortunately no cure to EDS just ways to manage and control symptoms to make life as easy and as least painful as possible. The most common forms of managing and controlling symptoms are; 
- Medication for pain
- Physiotherapy - to help ease joint pain and to give gentle exercises to strength the muscles to decrease pain but increase the amount you can use the muscles. They often help with supports such as wrist supports, knee supports, finger supports etc..
- Occupational Therapy - to help adapt things at home and in life to make it easier and safer for you. For example if you struggle with lightheadedness, they will help supply hand rails around the house or in the shower or a shower seat to give you that little bit of independence and safety which makes things a little easier to get by.
- Counselling - as with most chronic illness that are with you for life and change your life in big ways, it can often affect the person mentally, so, some people go to counselling sessions to just talk through life and they are helped to come to terms mentally with the condition and any changes they've had to make. Or... well anything they want to discuss with the counsellor that they feel. 
Another way I found that really helps if counselling isn't for you is to journal things. Whether it be a public one or a completely private one, sometimes just writing stuff out and getting it off your chest can really help. Sometimes when you write things out they don't seem as bad or as major as you first thought when you compare it to other things in life people deal with and that. Again, won't help everyone but thought I'd mention it incase counselling isn't for you or didn't work for you - just something you can try from the comfort of your bed or anywhere! 

Why Zebras?
The term "Zebra" is used in reference to a rare disease and condition and is the mascot for EDS and we as sufferers are known as medical zebras. The reason for this is medical students throughout their training are taught 'when you hear the sound of hooves, think horses, not zebras', they are taught to assume that the simplest explanation is usually correct to avoid patients being misdiagnosed with rare illnesses. Doctors learn to expect common conditions (there of course are the odd exceptions - occasionally... very occasionally). BUT, many medical professionals seem to forget that 'zebras' DO exist. It does unfortunately mean getting a diagnosis and treatment can be more difficult for sufferers of rare conditions. Sometimes it takes time and can even take 100 doctors before you find the right one for you. Some doctors just refuse to see past the 'normal' black and white textbook but lets be honest.... there is nothing textbook about us EDS lot so sometimes we just gotta wait and find that doctor who doesn't like using his textbook. But, we know our bodies better than anyone... so don't give up! 

Now, I know that I do activities or certain things that I am probably NOT supposed to do due to risks of dislocations or whatever, but my moto in life is "you only live once so do what you want to do, not what you are told you can do". There are things in my life I have had to change and adapt to because of my illnesses but I will never let them beat me. Sure, I have days where it does just get too much and it does beat me but everyone has days like that just to different extremities. And sure, some days I end up in A&E unconscious in resus when my body has just had enough and I can't show my body who is boss.... but then other days I show it who's life it is and that I will do what I want (even though I might not be in such a great way after - sorry mum and dad! :) .). I've learnt over the past 4/5 years since


my health got really bad that no ones life is perfect, everyone has their problems they have to work around. Everyone and their lives are different. There is no 'normal' life. It is what you make it. So even if you are stuck in bed, do something you've always wanted to that requires nothing but a laptop or a book etc. That is how my blog and youtube started... when I was too sick to continue my acting career and too sick to be going out all the time! And now look.... I freaking love doing them and feel amazing when I hear that I have managed to help someone feel less lonely or find the confidence to go to the Dr etc. Life is what we make is so even if you do get diagnosed with EDS or any other Chronic life condition, don't let it stop you... just change you plans to suit your current life styles and situation. Nothing is for certain in life and things always change as do plans. So why see illnesses as any different!? :)  And hey, we are mentally stronger than any of who doesn't have these types of obstacles in life.... living with pain everyday is not just a skill but a superpower!! 

Now, although I do have EDS (as one of my many illnesses), I'm not a trained specialist (even if I do often know more than most doctors), so don't take my word entirely or try diagnose yourself. However, if any of the above does sound very close to home, I hope this has helped you in whatever way it is!

If you or someone you know has EDS, what things do you find that eases symptoms? 
There is also a great UK Charity and website for help and advice so click HERE to go to it! 

If you have any questions or need advice, I am more than happy to answer to the best I can on any of my social media places or in the comments here. I will link below each social media if you would prefer something other than the comments on here. 

For Facebook: Click HERE
For Instagram: Click HERE
For Youtube: Click HERE
For Twitter: Click HERE

That is all for this post, I hope you found it useful whether it be from the sufferers point of view or someone who knows someone with EDS or a parent or just because you were interested in learning (you're awesome). Whatever the reason, I hope you found it helpful and useful. 

So, until next time.

Don't forget to raise awareness and...
Stay Strong
<3