Words Can Hurt!

Hey Everyone, 

I hope you are all doing well.

Today I wanted to discuss something that is a much talked about subject. We all know that words we say to others can really affect them in many ways and it is no different for chronic illness sufferers... we are still human (or bionic if you're like me and have a pacemaker hehe) and we still get hurt by words and ways people treat us. 

Here's the thing, I spend A LOT of time at various hospital appointments to the point where I have at least one almost every week for months straight. It is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally - especially when you don't see much or any improvement in health or quality of life. I go to these appointments and tests to try improve my quality of life and to be able to try get to a point where I can live some what of a 'normal' life. That being said, in trying to improve my health and getting a life, I spend my life back and forth to doctors appointments and having to have a ton of days off work (which makes me terrified to lose 

my job if they get that fed up with the amount of time i require off) and not having a life! Now if I was seeing major improvements and things coming out of all these tests then it would be so bad, but, when things for the most part don't improve and nothing changes from all the drug trials and appointments and tests..... how would you feel? Would you feel like you are making the most of your life or wasting your life? I know it only takes that one test, or one doctor or one medication that could be 'the one' that makes my health better to improve my life but how many years am I supposed to keep going to appointment after appointment in the hope of improving my quality of life before I give up and just make the best of what I can or before I accept that doctors just don't have anything they can do to help? 

I always get anxious about asking for days off every 5 minutes for more doctors appointments as I don't want to lose my job. Sure it is not the job I've dreamt about and probably won't do it for the rest of my life but it still really bothers me for a few reasons. Firstly, holding down a job is my way of living a 'normal' life like healthier people. Secondly, it is a way to distract my mind from everything going on with my health as if I were to sit at home everyday I would go insane and just become depressed because of it and let my health completely ruin my life. Thirdly, like everyone, I need the money to be able to live and do things I want to. Everyone always tells me I need to think of my health and what my body needs more and that it is more important than a job, and whilst that is true in my mind as a chronic illness sufferer with illnesses I know I have for life and illnesses doctors just don't know enough about and realistically don't know what to do so they palm you off with tests and onto other doctors who do the same. I know that doctors appointments aren't going to end. It's not like an infection or an illness where you go to a few appointments have some antibiotics or medication and bish bash bosh the appointments are over and you can go back to normal. But... imagine having to do that for mostly likely the rest of your life. Imagine constantly having to let people down because a last minute appointment has come through. Having a full time job which you agreed you could work and then needing to do a 3 or 4 days week each week because of appointments.... are you seriously going to think about your health coming first each time OR are you going to get stressed about trying to keep a job because you know this illness for life and there are always going to be more appointments and which eventually is most likely to cause a problem with your manager because of the amount of time you need off and what they need for their business. Although they can't legally they can't sack you due to your health, they can make your life difficult until they manage to push you out by you quitting in which case your life is made more difficult and ends up in a horrible cycle which means more stress and in turn means your health is affected and deteriorates because of it making you more unwell that you were to start with.

If I were to lose my job because my health, not only would I suffer financially but more so emotionally and mentally because to me that is about the most normal thing I can do to feel like my health isn't completely taking over my life. So to me, when I get upset about appointments and more tests and more time off work and someone tells me 'well if you don't go to these appointments you won't have a life because you won't get better' I get so many emotions rushing through me that causes me to then snap. I get where they're coming from but it makes me so frustrated and sad and mad because all it feels like to me is I am spending my life going to drs to make my life better when in actually fact I am having no life because that is all I am doing with it. Can you see where I am coming from? Like how long do I keep going in the hope that something will help when in the 5 years this has been going on barely anything has been done with the test results and if it has, the majority of what has been tried hasn't worked and sometimes even caused worse symptoms because of side affects. It is easy to say to someone it only takes the one tablet or one doctor but when it is an on going thing and next to nothing is helping it isn't so easy to keep doing.

Everywhere I go or a lot of people I speak to who complain about life or health and how something is affecting it can really get to me at times. For example, I over heard a conversation someone had earlier today about their broken arm (which was operated on) and how having to go back and forth to the fracture clinic for the next 3 months is so frustrating and so inconvenient with work and life... now imagine having to go back and forth to hospitals and being prodded and poked for the rest of your life with the majority of those appointments really not doing much. It really frustrates me and I know we don't appreciate things or understand things until we experience them or lose them but I just don't understand why people feel the need to get wound up by my mindset or mood or nasty when I get upset by things life the millions of appointments. I'm 24 years old, I should be going out in the evenings after work and having the weekends to have fun but instead I am just schlepping from one appointment to the other and then being too exhausted for anything and in turn having no life. 

Sorry for this rant but it is something that has been on my mind for so long. Don't judge someone or be nasty to them or tell them they are being stupid when you haven't walked in their shoes. And that goes for anything, not just when it comes to chronic illnesses. Just like when people say people who commit suicide are selfish.... no.... they are not. They are in such a low place and state of mind and are dealing with an illness at the end of the day. You 

don't understand and may not agree with the thought process they are having as an outsider because you haven't experience it, you obviously haven't been in a place where you mentally, physically and emotionally just can't cope any more and can't see things ever getting better no matter what you try or who you have around you. You wouldn't tell a terminally ill cancer patient who decides against treatment so they can enjoy the life they have left to the best they can without the constant hospital trips and medication side affects. So why is it any different for other illnesses? Why can't people accept the sufferers feelings and thought process and frustrating without saying they are being stupid as it only takes one doctor or medicine even if it is 10 years down the line?


Please just understand that all of these physical problems cause so many more mental and emotional issues of which you can't see and can't truly understand unless you have gone through the same or similar. 
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject so please leave them in the comments below or on any of my social media (click on the word for the place you want to magically appear to join the conversation - Facebook - Instagram - Twitter)

That's all for now .... Have a wonderful day, evening or sleep where ever in the world you are (and whatever time is is obviously).

Stay Stron 
<3

What is important in life?

Hey Everyone
How are you all doing?

The last few months have been exceptionally hard for me. My body has really just given up on me and landed me in hospital twice in one weekend by ambulance (even got the sirens going). It has really made me stop and think about what is and isn't important in life and how un-be-lieve-ably lucky I am to have the most amazing and supportive family. So many times recently I have wanted to just give up on life and give up fighting. I have hated on life so much it is unreal. I have even turned round to my parents and said I can't do it anymore. The only reason I have done and still am fighting is for my parents, brother & sister. It sounds so extreme and sounds depressing or weak or harsh to say but it is the truth. I've always said that I am honest on here and use this as a venting place so that is what I am doing.

People always say that if you have a roof over your head and good health then life is good and you're lucky but the truth is having someone or people there for you through thick and thin is better than any physical item. I know that my family are there for me no matter what. We all say things we don't mean to each other and we all yell and call each other names but at the end of the day we love each other. I feel incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and to have people there for me because if I didn't, I honestly don't know what I would do or what I would fight for in life....

We all love our gadgets and love to spend our money on the newest make up or fashion trend and that's great.. but when push comes to shove, is that new lipstick going to help you through a tough time or help give you advice or the strength you need to push through when you're all out of strength. It really is true when they say money can't buy happiness. You can have all the money in the world but that doesn't mean you are going to get the support you need to get through the things money can't change. Now, I may not be happy currently or even enjoying life, I may do a bit of retail therapy and feel better momentarily but what truly keeps me going is my family. They give me strength when I don't have any left. They give me something that is worth fighting for. The keep me calm when all I feel like I am going to do is go into complete overdrive, panic scream mode!

Sorry if this is upsetting to some, but I want to be honest... for myself and others. I told my parents recently that I wish the ambulance man didn't help me and basically let me die. Quite honestly, it is how I feel lately since my health has really spiralled to a rock bottom I didn't know existed. I've faced some of the hardest things and felt the worst I have before and can't see the ending or white light to this all. I can't see my health ever improving letting me lead my life in a way I wish to do it rather than being stuck in bed. Now, I am saying this because, I always read or hear people talking about how people who kill themselves or don't want to live their life are selfish and it makes me mad. I know when I said that to my parents, I wasn't saying it from a selfish place I was saying it from a place where my head isn't thinking straight and depressed some may say. Both of which isn't a selfish thing. So then, when I think about those people who don't have an amazing family or support system around them, it makes me realise I have more than I think in life to live for and my health is just a big obstacle where adjustments will need making.

I wish I could be there for everyone out there who doesn't have someone... who is dealing with whatever it is they are dealing with alone. I don't know that I'd be able to do it. So, I want to start this post off and have people allow and support and help one another. Show people that they do have someone who is there for them and willing to listen and support them through their tough time be it health, school, work or just life! You are NOT alone. I would love for you to send me messages on Facebook, Twitter, on here or on Youtube and we can start a support group or anyone wherever they are in the world. (might even give you a laugh whilst you're on my youtube :)). Together we can get each other through it.

I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have my amazing amazing parents and siblings. I may not have good health, or live in the country of my dreams, or have the job I always dreamed of as a little girl.... but I have them and I love them so much and would do anything for them - even if that means fighting for a life that right now I am not so keen on... but who knows - the future hasn't been written yet and what we do today creates tomorrow and the rest of our lives.

Sorry for the rambley post and sorry there isn't even all that much structure, I just felt the need to vent and remind myself how freaking lucky I am to have what I have. In sickness and in health..... that applies for marriages, friendships, when you have kids.... anything...
And if someone can't or won't take you when you are at your worst or when you are sick.... they sure as hell don't deserve to be around when you are happy or doing well!! Support works all ways and can be the most powerful thing in life... even more so than any medication.

Lets support each other.... and together we shall conquer the world!!

Stay Strong
<3

Midodrine Medicine Trial

Hey Everyone,
How are you?

Today I thought I would talk about and kind of document my trial of the drug called Midodrine. I have been diagnosed with Orthostatic Intolerance which is slightly different to PoTs but have very similar symptoms. 

What is Midodrine?
Midodrine is a drug that can be used to treat people with disorders of the autonomic nervous system which include low blood pressure, fainting/lightheadedness and postural tachycardia syndrome. It works by binding onto receptors causing blood vessels to narrow, thereby increasing blood pressure and reducing symptoms ( hopefully :) ). 
Midodrine is not a licensed drug by the FDA for PoTs (or similar conditions) meaning not all GPs will prescribe it and it has to be done by a specialist under supervision. Knowing my GP surgery, they will kick up a stink and won't prescribe it for me so it will probably need to be prescribed through the specialist who recommended it in the first place. 
As far as I am aware, it is used as a last resort when nothing else works.

Midodrine is a short lived medicine but fast acting. So, I take it before I get out of bed and then every 4 hours after that (within the safe dosage quantity obviously) as it then finds its way out your system in that time whilst also doing its job.
I have been fainting far to much recently and feeling lightheaded when I sit up properly or stand up or walk any distance and when I eat. Now, there is nothing to say this medicine will help with any or all of this but the aim is to help control my blood pressure and heart rate better so it is steadier and hopefully in turn stops the headaches that turn into lightheadedness and fainting.

What are the side affects?

Common – tingling and itching, increased blood pressure when lying down, headache, nausea (feeling sick), heartburn, inflammation of the lining of the mouth, flushing, rash, chills, difficulty urinating.

Less common – sleep disturbances, restlessness, agitation, irritability, slowed heart rate, urge to urinate.

Rare – palpitations, rapid heartbeat, abnormal liver blood test.

Possible side effects – abdominal pain, being sick (vomiting), diarrhoea, anxiety, feelings of confusion. But these are pretty much the standard side affects for most medicines.

On the day, they took my blood pressure on arrival and then an hour after taking the first tablet. Because of my Gastroparesis and my stomach not digesting stuff very well, we have to crush the tablet and mix it in a little bit of water and do it that way in order to get the best out of the tablet and ensure it is digested properly (the medicine doesn't come in liquid form unfortunately). They start you on a very low dose of 2.5mg and you can build up dosages and the amount of times you take it in time as long as you don't take more than 30mg a day. So after a consultation with my specialist he and the specialist nurse explain the medicine in depth and more tests I need to go for to try see what is going on in my brain when I have all these bad turns after food but anyway, I then took the first tablet, went away for an hour under my parents supervision and then went back to have my blood pressure re-checked to ensure it hadn't spiked up too high or anything. For once my body behaved and my blood pressure was absolutely fine. Like I said, this is a fast acting medicine and that morning I had had a headache from walking around and I did notice it went away and then came back and kind of came and went for the first hour after or so of taking it. 
After we had the ok from the Dr to leave with my 3 month supply of medicine, my parents took my shopping to try cheer me up and get me out the house as I had been stuck inside in bed for about a week an a half prior. I even got to use daddy's credit card not that the shops were that great to be honest. Now, lets bare in mind, I hadn't been able to walk to the toilet a few days earlier so braving it and walking around the shops was a big deal. By the time we got to the shops about a further hour later (so 2 hours after taking the medicine) my headache and any lightheadedness had gone - coincidence or medicine? We walked around for about an hour and a half before I started feeling headachy and lightheaded again so my I took the next tablet as it had been 4 hours and within about 10/15minutes I was feeling a bit better (other than extremely tired as by this point it had been an extremely long day and was running off a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar). Now, I don't want to say for sure but I would hazard a guess that this was just a coincidence and maybe the medicine is doing something...... result!! 

Then if we move on to today which (when I am writing this) is the day after starting the trial I woke up and sat up. When you have Orthostatic Intolerance, your body doesn't like to sit or stand up straight and this is where my symptoms start in the morning. If you are having a day in bed then you shouldn't take the medicine for the same reason as why you shouldn't take it within 4 hours of going to bed - it increases the chances of your blood pressure going too high. Today is Saturday so it's kind of a lazy day but because I have moved around and stuff I took the first tablet in the morning and again within about 10/15 minutes my headache and lightheadedness had significantly improved. 
One thing I haven't been able to do which has upset me a lot is take my doggie for walks because I just feel too ill walking the distance. So, putting the medicine to the test, my parents and I took the dog for a walk - not a long one but a decent distance that he gets exercise. Normally, I wouldn't get very far before the not feeling good kicks in, today - I got through 75% of the walk before I started getting a headache and not feeling too good. That is a massive improvement and again, I don't want to get too excited too early on as it could also be because my body has had a week's rest from well.. life! However, I am super happy I got to take him and didn't end up feeling totally horrendous!! 
I have also had some Gluten Free Porridge and although I did end up feeling fairly lightheaded after.... I haven't fainted!! Coincidence or just a one off as I occasionally have one off's where I don't faint.... only time will tell. Now although I did feel quite lightheaded after eating a Gluten Free Pizza for dinner, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as usual and it took longer to kick in as well. I also did not faint - just didn't feel that great. Still a major improvement if this is the medicine doing something and if we got the right dosage who knows!
I did put the medicine in a spoonful of yoghurt this morning and then a spoonful of the porridge for the second one and it was much better than the water.... didn't taste as bad haha.

I am going to write another post in a few days or a week and see how things go with time. I also know that after a little bit of time they can increase the dosage and amounts of times I take it if needed, so there is room for increasing it and adapting how I take it a little more to what I personally feel I need which is good.

That's all for this post. I thought I'd document it on here so that firstly I can keep track of how things have been when the Drs ask but also, I know that before I started it I was looking online and asking people if they'd taken it and advice and questions about it and didn't find that much on it so thought it might help anyone who is considering trying it.

If you had tried it, I'd love to know your experience with it!! 

Until next time, 
Stay Strong
<3

The Importance Of A Patient Doctor Relationship

Hey Everyone, 

I hope you are all doing good? - I have had a rough old week with 2 hospital admissions via ambulance but that's a whole other story and is going to put into a post but today I felt the urge to write a post about the topic of a Patient-Doctor relationship. I am warning in advance, this is more of a rant than a full on post as I have had a few extremely bad experiences recently.

When you go to any doctor regardless of what it is for, you put your trust into that doctor to be able to help you and treat you correctly. If that trust gets broken for any reason you lose faith in you treatment you are receiving and it makes it a more difficult situation for you and the doctor. 

I recently had an NJ feeding tube put back in (and taken out - not cool) as my health has deteriorated and I faint and have fit like episodes after eating a meal or anything substantial, and until they control that it means I am unable to keep myself going nutritionally. I have had this procedure many times now and unfortunately and have got to know what does and doesn't work well for me personally with all my chronic health conditions. Now, don't get me wrong, doctors know a lot and often will know more than the patient as they've studied it and dealt with it more. However, when it comes to people with chronic illness', they will often know more about the condition and how it effects their body and how certain interventions affect those conditions and not all doctors accept this. 

When there is an understanding and trust between the patient and dr, both sides cooperate in a much calmer and positive way meaning a much higher level of care and treatment is received. Starting an appointment with "I don't really know why you are here" or "what do you want me to do" or " what is 'insert name of condition'" or "to be honest I know best so we are doing it my way or no way" does not make for a good start to an appointment or for a good appointment or relationship with that doctor at all for that matter. I have come across some amazing doctors and specialists over the past few years but have unfortunately also come across many rude and ignorant ones. I've even come across a specialist recently who has refused to see me for being too complex. I mean seriously?! Too complex for a specialist?! 


Now, I appreciate this is a rant and not all doctors are like this for example my pain specialist, I don't have a bad word to say about him and trust in everything he says whether it is something I want to hear or not but this particular doctor I came across when I had my tube fitted recently has just really reminded me how important it is to have that relationship with a doctor be it a GP or a specialist for long term issues - so what do I do.... I rant on here :) 

For a doctor to ask you what your condition is as they'd not heard of it and how it'll affect the procedure they're doing is an instant problem in my head. It instantly makes me lose a little trust and makes me feel less safe in the hands of this person who is about to stick a camera and tube through my body. However, I do also appreciate that no one person can know of every single condition BUT to then tell the patient they are wrong and they're doing it their way because they know best and they aren't happy changing up how they had planned on doing this incase there is an emergency that comes in whilst he is doing the procedure on me does nothing but raise my anxiety levels right up. Not only that, half way through the procedure they tell you that you are too distressed and he won't do I and I will have to come back and get someone else as they don't want to do it is NOT ok in anyway (especially yelling at you). When you get told you should feel sleepy (as requested may I add) and you tell them it hasn't worked and you don't feel sleepy at all and to get yelled at and basically be told you're really not important is going to make you have extremely mixed emotions and is not the ingredients to the procedure or appointments to be good or successful or as stress free as it can be. Basically being told it's their way or the highway as isn't cool. It really leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Sometimes doctors need to learn to accept to work with the patient and their knowledge in their own body as well as their own. A good bed side manner is important.... I get people have bad days but that is just a bit too far. I also know I am not the only person to experience things like this. Turns out the NJ was fitted and had a kink in it so had to be pulled out a couple of days later as I wasn't able to use it... after all that!! 


This is NOT a dig at the NHS like someone had a go at me for. I appreciate the NHS very much and without it I would not have received the care and treatments I have needed. Though, whether it is NHS or private healthcare, you should not be made to feel more anxious, belittled, angered, a burden etc... 
I was also taken into hospital by ambulance recently and the second time I went in because I kept fainting when I stood up or even took a sip of water, the gastroenterologist told us there was nothing wrong and to go home.... he then watched me drink a smoothie and faint and said oh yeah maybe that is an issue. I mean..... seriously, he didn't even check me over, or check anything at all before telling us I was fine and to go home. I am not going to have been taken in by ambulance if there was nothing wrong? I don't see that as a fun evening activity funnily enough - especially after being rushed in 2 days previously unconscious and even taken into resus. Clearly a doctor who just didn't have the care to do any work!! 


It just makes me so mad when bedside manner is forgotten or ignorance is in these doctors who are doctors to help make people better... surely you would care if you have chosen to study for all those years to help people feel better? 

Basically, to get the best out of the patient,treatment, doctor and well everything, it all stems from a good relationship with the doctor and having trust in them.

What are your thoughts/experiences on this matter? 

I'll stop rambling now - it probably doesn't even make sense but like I have said previously, I started this to get things off my chest so that is what I am doing.

That's all for now
Thanks for ready

Stay Strong
<3

Getting Back On The Right Path

Hey Everyone

How are you all? 

I know it has been a fair while since I last posted and there are a few reasons for that. Having said that, I'm happy to say I am back and plan for it to stay that way. 

To get back into it I wanted to talk about a couple of the reasons as to why I stopped blogging and where I am at today. I will do a separate post updating you with my health properly but once you start reading you will understand what I mean. BUTTTT you probably want to grab a cuppa or something because it could be a long one... SORRY NOT SORRY! 

I started my blog and my Youtube channel for that matter to help raise awareness of my health, to try and help others out there who are suffering with chronic health conditions or help those around us understand what it is like and to be able to continue entertaining people as I have always been into acting since I was really little. The feeling I got when I was receiving comments saying something I had written or put up on Youtube had helped them in whatever way it was or that my video cheered them up and made them laugh that day when it was a difficult one was amazing (especially if I was

also having a difficult day). If I am honest it helped me realise that anything was possible regardless of my health situation. Sure, things had to be adapted or achieved in a different way but it wasn't going to define me or make me unable to do what I wanted even if it was in a way that I had not thought it was going to be. Hell, I got to be in the DailyMail online and on ITV News to help raise awareness and show people they are not alone and got even more amazing feedback. I made a video of me getting my pacemaker and the journey leading up to that in the hope that if I helped just one person going through it or helped one person learn what Gastroparesis is that hadn't heard of it I was winning and my health wasn't. I never expected the video to get over 12 thousand views!!! But in the mist of all of these amazing things that had come from a not so great situation.... I then started to lose that positivity energy.

Everyone goes between being positive and being negative...

We are human! However, sometimes with chronic illness these positive or negative feelings are enhanced a little and more often than not it is those negative feelings that are enhanced. It is extremely normal and very common for low moods, negative thinking and even depression to occur when living with a chronic illness. Your life gets tipped upside down when you get diagnosed and when you live with it and live with the constant fear of not knowing how you're going to wake up tomorrow and whether you're going to get through the day of have a major dip and end up back in hospital or in a bad way and are constantly in pain.... you are bound to sink into depression. We live in a world where the media like to show the "perfect figure" and the "perfect (and normal) lifestyle" etc... when in fact that's not the real world. No two people are the same and no two lives aren't the same but it doesn't mean that you're not perfect or right and that your lifestyle isn't going to be enjoyable and make you happy. So when you are going through all these major life changes to adapt to your health and suddenly you are unable to do some or most of the things the media shows, you are bound to start feeling crappy and like your life is over. 

It is hard not to when you see all these people that appear to be living the "perfect & normal life" - but what you don't see is what they're feeling or how they live away from the camera be it Youtubers or musicians or actors or whatever they do. You see what they want you to see or what the media want you to see. How many celebrities do you know that have chronic health conditions? Not many I bet and that's because not many celebrities share it with the world be it because they want to have privacy or because they're told not to for whatever reason. Then you get the people who judge you or make fun of your situation because they don't understand it or see it as different because it is not what they are dealing with and no what the media shows! No wonder I started feeling demotivated and like I wasn't going to be able to live a "normal" life. I lost all of my positivity and motivation to beat my health and still achieve amazing things. As my health got worse I felt like my life was over. That I couldn't achieve things and I was putting all my energy to all the wrong things and then it becomes a habit. 

I recently saw and read an interview with Selena Gomez. Now, she is someone that has had a lot of negative things said about her and has gone through a really rough time but has stayed strong and come out the other side. The reason I have mentioned her is because she talked about a chronic illness that she is living with. She has days where she is exhausted and physically feels in pain but she pushes through and doesn't let it beat her. She has achieved so many amazing things even though she has been dealing with that. Tell me, why isn't that all over the news and the media to show the world that it doesn't matter what you are going through, if you put your mind to it and want it enough... you can achieve it - no matter what! If you want something enough .... no one and I mean no one can stop you. You might have to try getting to that goal in a few different ways but you'll get there! I know it is wayyyyyy easier said that done and I need to take my own advice (which I am not very good at) but everything happens for a reason at the right time even if we can't see it at that moment. People come and go but the people that are good for you and are true are the people that will stay and also the ones that will help you grow!

I've had a lot of pain recently in every aspect of my life - physically, emotionally and mentally. I've had people come and go, my health is back on a downwards spiral and out of my control and I have just become really unhappy with where my life is at and what I'm doing with and in my life. There is not one bit of my life that  ever imagined would be happening and all the things I did imagine or hope for aren't there... at least not at a quick glance. Sure, I have people who I know are there for me through thick and thin and I wouldn't change that for the world (that is the only thing that has kept me going) but my life just isn't what I expected. But I'm slowly realising that the things we don't ever imagining happening to us are the things that teach us the most and are the things that end up helping put us on the right track... even if it is to make a point!! Nothing in life is "normal". Everyone's life is a challenge and is different to the person next to them but it is what we make of it that makes it "perfect". If we let people or health or just life in general control us..... we lose ourselves and we lose the things we want in life and we don't achieve things to our best potential. 

I don't even know if any of this really makes sense but in my head it does and I just decided to type whatever comes out because it is when you start amending things and overthinking things that we end up compromising being 100% truthful to ourselves. If we accept the things we can't change and change the things we won't accept..... we can achieve the most amazing things and be the happiest person ever! We just have to make the best of what we can in the situations we can't change or control but take control and change the situations we can to make them the best possible!!

And that is what I plan to do.... make the best of the situation with my health but change the situations I can to make the best of them and make them how I want to and how I originally intended to set them out to be! Living with a chronic illness is hard to accept and I can't say I have accepted it entirely because I haven't and I have days that I just can't handle it and wish for a "normal" life but once I start changing the things I can, I am hoping I will become happier and in turn find it easier to accept my health!!! 

So, who's with me? Who is going to make the best of the situations we can't change or control and take control and change the ones we can!?!?

That's all for now. I have made a video that I also posted today that matches and talks about the things I have talked about on here but in a bit more detail and all that jazz so if you want to watch that (or other fun things that are on my channel) then click this link. www.youtube.com/thedramaqueensoph - and don't forget to thumbs up the video an subscribe to have loads more fun!! 

Stay Strong

<3