What is important in life?

Hey Everyone
How are you all doing?

The last few months have been exceptionally hard for me. My body has really just given up on me and landed me in hospital twice in one weekend by ambulance (even got the sirens going). It has really made me stop and think about what is and isn't important in life and how un-be-lieve-ably lucky I am to have the most amazing and supportive family. So many times recently I have wanted to just give up on life and give up fighting. I have hated on life so much it is unreal. I have even turned round to my parents and said I can't do it anymore. The only reason I have done and still am fighting is for my parents, brother & sister. It sounds so extreme and sounds depressing or weak or harsh to say but it is the truth. I've always said that I am honest on here and use this as a venting place so that is what I am doing.

People always say that if you have a roof over your head and good health then life is good and you're lucky but the truth is having someone or people there for you through thick and thin is better than any physical item. I know that my family are there for me no matter what. We all say things we don't mean to each other and we all yell and call each other names but at the end of the day we love each other. I feel incredibly lucky to have the support system that I do and to have people there for me because if I didn't, I honestly don't know what I would do or what I would fight for in life....

We all love our gadgets and love to spend our money on the newest make up or fashion trend and that's great.. but when push comes to shove, is that new lipstick going to help you through a tough time or help give you advice or the strength you need to push through when you're all out of strength. It really is true when they say money can't buy happiness. You can have all the money in the world but that doesn't mean you are going to get the support you need to get through the things money can't change. Now, I may not be happy currently or even enjoying life, I may do a bit of retail therapy and feel better momentarily but what truly keeps me going is my family. They give me strength when I don't have any left. They give me something that is worth fighting for. The keep me calm when all I feel like I am going to do is go into complete overdrive, panic scream mode!

Sorry if this is upsetting to some, but I want to be honest... for myself and others. I told my parents recently that I wish the ambulance man didn't help me and basically let me die. Quite honestly, it is how I feel lately since my health has really spiralled to a rock bottom I didn't know existed. I've faced some of the hardest things and felt the worst I have before and can't see the ending or white light to this all. I can't see my health ever improving letting me lead my life in a way I wish to do it rather than being stuck in bed. Now, I am saying this because, I always read or hear people talking about how people who kill themselves or don't want to live their life are selfish and it makes me mad. I know when I said that to my parents, I wasn't saying it from a selfish place I was saying it from a place where my head isn't thinking straight and depressed some may say. Both of which isn't a selfish thing. So then, when I think about those people who don't have an amazing family or support system around them, it makes me realise I have more than I think in life to live for and my health is just a big obstacle where adjustments will need making.

I wish I could be there for everyone out there who doesn't have someone... who is dealing with whatever it is they are dealing with alone. I don't know that I'd be able to do it. So, I want to start this post off and have people allow and support and help one another. Show people that they do have someone who is there for them and willing to listen and support them through their tough time be it health, school, work or just life! You are NOT alone. I would love for you to send me messages on Facebook, Twitter, on here or on Youtube and we can start a support group or anyone wherever they are in the world. (might even give you a laugh whilst you're on my youtube :)). Together we can get each other through it.

I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have my amazing amazing parents and siblings. I may not have good health, or live in the country of my dreams, or have the job I always dreamed of as a little girl.... but I have them and I love them so much and would do anything for them - even if that means fighting for a life that right now I am not so keen on... but who knows - the future hasn't been written yet and what we do today creates tomorrow and the rest of our lives.

Sorry for the rambley post and sorry there isn't even all that much structure, I just felt the need to vent and remind myself how freaking lucky I am to have what I have. In sickness and in health..... that applies for marriages, friendships, when you have kids.... anything...
And if someone can't or won't take you when you are at your worst or when you are sick.... they sure as hell don't deserve to be around when you are happy or doing well!! Support works all ways and can be the most powerful thing in life... even more so than any medication.

Lets support each other.... and together we shall conquer the world!!

Stay Strong
<3