Self Esteem - Only So Many Times

Hey Hey Hey

How ya doing?

So, my previous post took me a while to write. It was done over a few week as my head was all over the shop. This post is a little more structured I guess you could say? Or then again, this is me writing it, so it probably isn't.

The real world is a scary scary thing. There are some good times but also some very bad times. The things we go through in life, makes us who we are. The struggles we go through strengthen us, and the good times we have put a smile on our face. Everyone has self doubt at some time in their life but sometimes, it can really affect you quite badly at times. The things that knock us down are supposed to make us stronger but sometimes you can only take the knock backs so many times.

Self-esteem is a term that is used to reflect someone's overall emotional evaluation of their own worth. It is a judgment of theirself as well as their attitude towards theirself.

Low self asteem, self blame and anxiety go hand in hand but unfortunately manifester until you end up in a complete state of not believing in yourself and thinking you're not good enough at anything.
There are a number of things that knock your confidence and make you doubt yourself. However, when things are constantly happening, it can give really knock you, causing yourself to have no faith in yourself and your abilities. It could be anything from constantly getting told you're not getting good enough grades at school, to bullying, told you're too fat or too skinny. or being over looked at work for higher positions or jobs in general.
Health issues are also a huge contriubtion to low self belief. There are only so many times you can keep brushing something off your shoulder before you begin to believe that it might actually be yourself and your abilities that are the problem.

I know myself that my health knocks my confidence big time and anytime something goes wrong or against me, I put it down to the fact that I am not good enough or my health stopped it from happening. Work is a big one for me. I have always done my best to keep working through my health because it keeps me and my mind busy. There have been many times though that promotions come around, or an opportunity of some sorts that I don't get or even sometimes don't get given the chance to get. Everyone will have some sort of experience of being over looked at work or school or in life in general.... but how many times will you keep yourself in a position or place where you are knowinly
putting yourself in a position that it can and most likely will keep happening (no matter what you are promised). Or even something simple like trying to complete a shift but not necessarily being support by your whole team or even just struggling to complete it. There have been many of days where my health hasn't been great and I struggle to complete my regular shift. Sometimes I'll take a seat for a while and sometimes I will try push on. Either way, it knocks my confidence in my ability to still be able to work normal hours or even work at all.


Unfortunately, low self esteem happens within us all. We all deal with it differently and some of us will show it as being more vulnerable and others will act over confident to cover up being extremely unconfident in themselves. As with anything, we all have our own methods of dealing with things. Having that lack of confidence can have a huge impact on everything in life whether we realise it or not. It will determine how we see ourselves and our capabilities in different situations. All those times we should 'Just Say Yes' become no's and all those no's lead to further knocks in confidence and isolation. Although, sometimes, these situations that happen can lead to better things that you may not have gotten without. For example, you could stay in a place that really doesn't make you happy and keeps knocking your self belief and hope, but, it ends up giving you contacts and experience in life to make something happen that makes you happy and gives you confidence.
The people you surround yourself with can also really change your self esteem. If you are surrounded by people who don't believe in you and give you opportunities or just support you, then that will rub off on you and make you doubt yourself until it becomes unhealthy. BUT, if you are surrounded by people who love and support you and believe in you and your capabilities, then you will believe in yourself. People who don't make you happy, or support you or help you grow in yourself and life, just are not worth it. They're not worth getting upset over. They're not the people you need or want in your life. Don't let them put you down mentally! Take a stand and show them who's better than that and more than capable with anything they put their mind to. Have the last laugh. Keep your head held high because you are more than capable of doing it and are so totally worth it. - HAHA 'because you're worth it', makes me instantly thing of the L'Oreal shampoo advert!!

Felt this was only fitting with the recent S Club 7
Reunion!!! <3 them

As usual, I'm saying all this stuff about keeping your head held high and not getting upset over people or things, but I do. Very much so. And over the next few weeks, I'll be pushed to the limit in trying to take my words into my head as good (or I hope as good) as I give them. As with all words and quotes in life, they are so much easier to say than they are to action and do. It takes practice... and lots of VERY strong mind power skills which can be very hard when your mind is not in a good or sensibly thinking place.

I don't actually know if any of this post makes sense or if it is just one big ramble of saying the same things with no actual point. But, it is stuff that needed to be taken off my chest and a subject that effects us all at one time of another and is one that is hugely affecting me at the moment. It's really not very fun when it does effect us strongly, but that is life and there is nothing we can do.

We have two options in life, to let people rule how our minds think, or to let our minds rule what people think. Is that even a good saying? Hmm... I'm not sure. It just came out my mind. That's the best I got right now!! HAHA

Well, I think that's going to be it for this post. If you think any of this was directed to you, about you or is what you think.... then it most probably was. If that shoes fits and all that jazz. Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and remember that what you do or say towards someone else can have a really huge effect on someone and their life. Don't bully others, don't put others down or knock them back in situations time and time again. Be kind to one another, love and support people who love and support you and surround yourself with people who are good for you to have in your life. Your confidence says a lot about how your life will go.

Stay Strong
<3

All About That Mind Set!

Long time no speak....

How you doing?

I'm going to be honest, I deleted and renamed the title of this post about 50 times. I haven't posted in a while now and there are a reasons for that. The first and main one being my mood and mind. My mind set is in a place that isn't the nicest of places and when my mind is in that place, writing a post just never really works out to well. Sometimes, I am so positive about life and my condition and progress etc, but others, I am probably one of the most negative people you will ever meet. I put on this act to people in the "outside world" to make it seem like I am coping well and am normal. The truth is, I am human.... I have emotions, and those emotions change like the weather. It only takes something tiny or sometimes even nothing at all to change my mood and mind set and I can go from so positive and happy to so negative and depressed. Some days I am determined to conqeur the world achieving everything I want to and more, yet others, I want to fall in a hole and stay there forever. I know it sounds so dramatic, but honestly, that's how life can be with or without a chronic illness.

 Sure, I have some great people in my life and a couple of good things coming up, but, it just isn't lifting my mood entirely. They might lift it for a little while, but not for very long.

Cheerleading is my biggest realease. For that hour and a half my mind is fully focused on something and I manage to let go of a lot of steam. Unfortunately, my mood will soon drop back down again. I feel like my mood just seems to spiral downwards and my stress levels upwards. For some reason my stress and anxiety levels are so darn high at the moment. I feel anxious about things I've never felt anxious about before and over stressed about everything and anything. It's really horrible to say but it makes me feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure that is not an easy sentence to read particularly if you are someone who is close to me. Sometimes the truth isn't all that pleasant. Not that I want to sound depressing or anything but it is true.

Your mind set can control so much in your life from the way you see or think of something to the things you do or don't do. It can even affect the way treatments work, so I am told. If you are telling yourself that something is not going to work, it most likely won't work to the best it can. I am guilty as charged when it comes to this, but in fairness, who wouldn't when you have had 3 years of all different forms of treatment not work?! Comes back to that old saying 'Postive mind Positive outcome'. Do I believe it? Hmm.... that I'm not so sure on.

 My mood and mind set are still pretty shitty (excuse my french) to be honest with you. I am using things to calm me down that I have used in the past. Some work temporarily and some... not so much. Music is a big one for me. I can put my headphones in on full blast and just drift off into another place. I love my music and would be lost without it. I'm a HUGE Demi Lovato fan and without her music, I wouldn't be able to get through a lot. She has been through so much and has come out the other side of the tunnel great. Her music tells a story that is honest but has positivity in it. Skyscraper is my all time favourite song and is always on the playlist, particularly when I'm feeling a little low.
I sometimes see this blog as a way to express my feelings and let them out in a way that I don't have to directly speak to someone. I am rubbish at sharing my problems with people as I just get too emotional and end up in tears before I'd even started speaking. And although there are always going to be things I don't want to share with anyone, I see this as a sort of release diary for the things I am ok to share and get off my chest. So, to pretend that I am perfectly fine and never 'down in the dumps' would just be lying to you all and to myself - hence everything written above. 

Another reason I haven't posted in a while is due to trying my new thingymabob. I didn't want to make a post talking about a new treatment that I'm trialing for a month but didn't know much about. I wanted to wait until I knew more about it and had some form of update to actually give. I basically wanted to know what I was talking about rather than rambling on with little to no knowledge. I am going to make a full post on it with a full journey of how it has been and have been keeping a written symptom diary. I'll have pictures and everything. It is a very new treatment so I want to be able to really explain things about it which is why I have held off so far. Does that make sense or am I just rambling? HAHA!

I don't think I have anything else to update you on really as I don't want to get into how my tummy is too much as I want to leave that for when I talk about my thingymabob.

Well, I hope you are doing well.
& until the next time we meet again,


Stay Strong
<3