Hey Hey Hey :)
How You Doin'?
This could be a long one again… so grab a cuppa or pop your feed on if you're a tubie like me and lets read!
So, I wasn't planning on posting today and felt pretty darn poopey. We all get those days where we feel defeated right? Well, I'm having many of those days right now! The only reason I decided to post was when my dad told me about someone he was working with today who's sister has GP too. They called her to see who she was under and such and turns out, she is under the same specialist as me. She also is under one of my old and may I add useless pain management guys who we had renamed as Professor Hopeless. I don't know if any of you watch Holby City but if you do this should give you a giggle.
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| This Is Professor Hope From Holby He's great at his job though! |
This pain guy looks just like Professor Hope. He has the same habits and disorganisation and is just very much like him only is ''hopeless'' rather than gives ''hope''. Back to the point, my dad actually found out that this girl knew me - well at least through my blog and videos. Apparently, on bad days she'll read it and it can help her feel less alone, like someone understands. It was then that I really felt like sharing my experience doesn't just help me, but it can actually reach out and help others. It made me feel a bit better and less useless if you like. Gave me a bit of that uplifting feeling that I needed - if that makes sense. I know how she feels and many others who suffer from GP and all other sorts of illness. And so, here I am…. ready to give you another update and continue sharing my journey with you all. Just before I do get into it, I would love to chat with you too and hear your experiences so be sure to leave comments or tweet me or Facebook message me ETC… Right ok, lets do this :)
I had one more hypnotherapy session almost 1 week ago now. It was actually the best session I've had so far. It ended up being more like a counselling session whist in hypnosis but was good. She asked me what the one thing was that I always wanted to do and so I told her it was to move to America. She told me to do it. Obviously not right now as my health is quite clearly too unstable but she told me to use this time that I'm not able to be out doing stuff or whatever to plan what I want to do once I'm able to. Show Gastroparesis that just because it stops me doing certain things now, it still doesn't win because I get to use this time to plan things that others may not have the time to do. She reminded me that I need to start doing things for me and that are going to make me happy and feel less stuck like I do. I need to do a job I enjoy, I need to do things on a day to day basis that I enjoy and make me happy. I now have my mind set on moving to America in the near future, getting a job out there and really show GP who's boss. It might be just something I need to get out my system or it might be something that will turn into something amazing and I'd be super happy but I'll never know if I just say I want to do it and don't do it. Not sure my parents are best happy that I'm planning to go half way across the world but gives them an excuse for a holiday once I do it!!
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| I am going to move to America I feel happier and calmer there no matter what the circumstances. I need the fresh start so I WILL make it happen! |
If there's one thing you take away from this post today, let it be to remember that this is YOUR life, no-one else's and you have to do things that are going to make YOU happy and enjoy your life and what you are doing. We all forget that but at the end of the day, you only get one shot and we don't know how long it's going to be so don't keep putting things off and saying I wish I could do something…. DO IT… MAKE IT HAPPEN! Anything is possible and you can achieve it if you put your mind to it :D If you're in pain after you eat like me, sit on your laptop (not literally) and plan what it is you want to do… Show Gastroparesis or whatever the obstacle is that you will make the best of whatever you have been given and if that means put plans into place for once you kick its ass then do just that :D
More on the GP and pain side, she told me that I have to remember that, I deserve to eat the food and my body deserves to have it. I can't think that I don't and give up trying to eat!! Also, to use the time after I eat when I'm in pain to plan things I'm going to do so when the time is right, I just have to put the plan into action. It's also a way of distracting my mind because if you think something is going to hurt before doing it, the pain is going to be 10 times worse because your body basically makes the pain before you even start. The mind is the most powerful thing and it's only now that I realise why they wanted me to go down this route. Though at £240 a pop, it most certainly won't be a regular thing but maybe once a month? Can't hurt if they're like the last one was right?
On a very positive note, I had our Christmas Staff Party at work on Sunday just gone. I helped organise the whole thing so had to be there but had been super worried about the fact I'd be on a table of 9 other people eating a meal for part of the night. The hypnotherapist told me I should try make light of the situation. Ask the others what it tastes like and if it wasn't great have a joke etc. When the time came for my table to go get the meal from the buffet, my heart was pounding and I became really uncomfortable. I was afraid to even try and eat as I hadn't yet and didn't want to ruin the rest of the evening but I suddenly felt too uncomfortable to wait on my own at the table whilst they were up.
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| Who said a tube or a health condition can stop you? I say otherwise!! |
I guess it was because the other tables would see me sitting there alone. Even though the majority of the people there know all about my health, my mind took over. So, my friend said why not see if there's something to nibble on or even have in front of me just to feel a little less isolated. So, I did. I went up, picked up one of the small round pitta breads and a couple of nacho's and went back to the table with everyone else. I just left it sitting there for a while and then thought, screw it, just go for it and I did. It took me maybe an hour to get through the pitta bread granted but I plucked up the courage to do it. I put my fears aside and just nibbled at it whilst chatting away trying to keep my mind completely away from pain or fear or anything. Okay, so I did get pain - a sharp one at that. Luckily we were still seated for another hour I think after eating so I didn't have to attempt to move straight away and could grit my teeth through the pain. It did settle down quicker than it normally does so I did get to show my moves on the dance floor later on and pose for the photographer in his little photo shoot set up. Although I still had the pain, it was a HUGE achievement to even pluck up the courage to eat and not just to eat but eat outside of my house in front of other people not knowing what the consequences would be. Granted, I haven't eaten since but it was a big step in the right direction. That's what I have to hold on to… So take that Gastroparesis!!
I have found recently that candles really help to calm me down and keep me relaxed. I've been loving putting lighting one when I'm getting ready to go to bed or watching videos or TV or anything really. Sleep is really important for your body and if you're like me and struggle to sleep, I've found that relaxing my body and mind before I go to sleep helps me fall asleep if nothing else. Obviously I don't leave it going all night, but it helps with that initial part of falling asleep!! Every little helps eh? Who says that? Tesco? No, Asda? Wait, no it is Tesco. Ahh - either way it does… sleep can make a big difference. I've been loving the Bath & Body Works candles that I got from amazon and also one of the Glade candles :) I even found one that smells just like when you walk into a bakery and one that smells like when you walk into Abercrombie….. HEAVEN :D
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| Hello Aberombieeeeeee |
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| Cookie Addicts HEAVEN!! |
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| SO CALMING and yummy |
So, as I'm sitting here with my dog on one side and my feed set up and running on the other feeling like absolute POOP (my parents read this sometimes - no swearing LOL), I have written this post and actually, I feel like I've let it out. This is honestly like a release for me and to know that it helps other by me sharing my journey makes me feel great. I follow other peoples journeys and they help me so to know that I'm doing the same keeps me going.
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| Cheap & Cheerful yet so so calming! |
I think that is going to be all for today as I don't want to hurt your eyes from staring at the screen to long but please remember you are NOT alone. You have me… who else do you need…. DUH :P
My question for today is: What is the one thing you have always wanted and dreamed of doing that you think is out of your reach?
Stay Strong
<3
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