Hey hey hey....
How are you all doing? Better than me I hope!!
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| Not my x-ray of the tube... Going to ask for mine next time though me thinks :P |
It has been a really rough time lately and have had my butt well and truely kicked by Gastroparesis. My health has gone on a downwards swiral once again and we don't know exactly what knocked it back. I thought it was the tube as I was pretty certain it had flipped out of place again, but I've had the x-ray and it showed it was still 2cm in my jejunum - or for us non medics, your small bowel where
your food ends up after your stomach has finished digesting it. It did show there was a small amount splashing back up temporarily untill it went back down where it should. So all in all, anything that goes through it is getting to where it needs to. As happy as I am that it is in the right place and doesn't need replacing just yet, I'm upset because it leaves me with no explaination to my current state.
I've gone backwards and am in so much more pain and the nausea has just gotten out of control with the wretching at a high again. The nausea has been horrific even if I don't attempt eating and if I do attempt it.... I have my head over the toilet whilst curled up in pain. I made the mistake of trying to eat some cheese on toast towards the end of a work shift as I was starving. About 30 minutes after eating it, I had to head right to the toilets. I didn't throw up or even wretch (just about through extreme heavy breathing) but I felt like I was going to at any moment. Mix that with absolutely horrific pain... it was a disaster. A colleague came and sat with me for a bit and tried keeping me calm by telling funny stories and distracting me as much as she could until my mum got there to pick me up. I have never 
had to be picked up from work before in all the years I've been at work (besides when I burnt my entire left hand and couldn't use it to drive), let alone because of Gastroparesis. I was just that bad that I couldn't get up let alone finish the last hour and a half of my shift. I was so embarrased as my mum walked me out through the hotel lobby to her car. People that worked there looked at me, guests of the hotel looked at me and well.... it felt like the whole hotel stopped what they were doing and were watching me. I know they weren't and anyone who did knew of my condition and did ask how I was feeling when I went back to work the following day but I have been relitively 'lucky' since being unwell that I have never been sick to the point where I have had to go home and never out in public (besides once in synangogue - woops). So it was a pretty horrible ordeal.
My energy levels have been non exsitant as well as the nausea and pain and I pretty much forgot what sleep was unless it is called blinking whilst lying bed. I never really sleep that well but I wasn't sleeping at all. Have you ever been so ridiculously tired that someone can say hi or see you later and you tear up and want to cry? .... I have. It sucks!! Particularly when you are trying to comlete a 8 or 9 hour shift at work!! Mentally I just wanted to give up and never wake up. I was mentally and physically exhausted and just couldnt cope anymore. Gastroparesis was absolutely kicking my butt!
After having the tube x-rayed and knowing it is in the right place, my mum & dad suggested I tried to start back up with the tube feeds as I hadn't been doing it recently. The only problem with tube feeding aside from having to plan your entire day around the timing and length of the feed, is that it leaves me feeling hungary the following morning yet there is little to nothing I can do about that.
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| Oh hello old friend... who else can sleep and eat? I CAN! :) if you don't laugh.. you'll cry!! |
I can't say I feel amazing now or want to carry on my fight with Gastroparesis particaurly, but slowly, with more feed and energy, I'll get back on track... least that's what the parents say. :P They're convinced they're right... but then again, they think they are right even when they are wrong. Love you both if you're reading this HAHA!!
There's nothing else to update really if I am honest. My pain specialist is away for the rest of the month, so I have no more appointments until the beginning of October now. Unless we can get hold of my specialist.... apparently he's a very hard man to contact... well his secretary is anyway.
Sorry for being a bit of a downy at the moment, but.... this is what it is like living with a chronic illness. There'd be no point in writing this blog if I was just going to sugar coat everything in every post. The truth isn't always pretty but that's life! Help spread awareness..... we need so much more research done on Gastroparesis to help try make things atleast a little easier or more stable if nothing else.
Well until the next time...
Stay
Strong
<3
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