What Is Life...?

Howdy Y'all

Today I thought I'd talk about something that has been on my mind. I use this blog as a release as I am not good at talking so that is what I am going to do. I apologise for the length and depth that may occur during this post so you may was grab yourself a cuppa or a cosy blanket and get comfy.

With everything that has been going on in my life, it isn't unsual that it is going to mess with my mind. It causes isolation in every aspect of life be it with family, friends, work or any other relationship and situations that occur on a day to day basis of life. I have discussed before about how I have felt isolated during family gatherings in the past or with friends and evenings out because of food and such. Even things like feeling guilty for friends who people who you are in a relationship with because, I feel like my health affects them and stops them having a normal life so to speak. When you feel down in the dumps, you isolate yourself and don't want to speak or hear anyone or anything else. It's horrible and can damage relationships and all sorts.
 

I feel like I have got to the point in life where I am just like ... what on earth am I doing with my life? My health has been the only thing on my mind for so long that I feel a little lost in life. I literally just feel like I have no aim or goal to work towards anymore. I have no qualifications past GCSE and a BTEC diploma and feel like I'm just not getting anywhere in life anymore. I know I have achieved many things in my life with everything that has happened but I'm the kind of person that wants to feel like I've done something good or helped someone or made a difference in a day. Does any of that make sense? In my head it does but I seems harder to explain when I want to try write it down and let it all out!

Even the word 'Impossible' says I'm possible

Do we live to work or work to live?
At the moment, all I seem to do is go to work to pay my bills and get to do what I want to do such a cheer. But is that how it should be?

Now that I am managing bigger gaps in between doctors, it just makes me have time to over think and wonder about people and just general things in and about my life. Like, what have I achieved since leaving school? Am I doing or using any of the skills of things I learnt at school or college? I suddenly have this feeling of emptiness and almost like I am just wasting my life and just doing things to pass the time.
 
Don't get me wrong, there are certain things in my life that I am happy with, but some..... not so much. I think it's time to change... to restart my life almost and do more things I want to do. We only live once. What's the point of saying 'I wish..' or 'I want to..', why not just do it. They say anything is possible right? I feel like I should write a list of things I want to do and achieve and just work my way through them to make me feel like I am actually living my life. It really irritates me when people say I am going to do this and then don't so why should it be any different for me. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.... that seems to be everyones favourite word that is never ending.


Right.... I am going to go and calm down and relax, or at least try to.
Then, I'm going to write myself a 'To achieve' list and just start working my way through it.

I want to know what things there are on your list of things to achieve? I'd love to hear from you!!

Well, until next time

Stay Strong
<3





The Gluten Free Diet Vs Gastroparesis

Hey,

 

Long time no speak.

So last time we spoke, I mentioned that I had been told to try a gluten free diet. I'm around a month into it now and can see a remarkable difference.

Although I am still getting pain (some days worse than others) and can definately still feel a build up of food (Gastroparesis doesn't like to be forgotten), the bloating is basically gone for the most part aside from the really bad days. On those days, I have no choice but to just embrace the pregnancy look. HAHA!

 

It does seem to look like I have some sort of gluten intolerance so I guess the next step is to have the tests done for it.

I'm very mixed feelings about it all. It would be great if this was the thing we were waiting for and together with pain killers will help me get back to some sort of ''normal'' like without too much pain. BUT.... at the same time, a gluten free diet is so blooming hard. Gluten is literally in almost EVERYTHING. Between that and a Gastroparesis friendly diet, I feel like living off air would be far easier. I know it probably sounds diva-like and you are probably thinking, 'why on earth is she complaining if it has lowered her pain and bloating a lot', and don't get me wrong, I'm totally estatic that it seems to have reduced the pain and bloating for now, but I've got to the point of, I literally don't know what I can eat and how long this lessened pain will last. Between two very limiting diets, it's just making it so difficult to find things to try and eat. Even once I have then found something that should be ok, it is still unstable when it comes to pain levels. It's like I go through all this research to find half a douzen suitable things to still end up in pain of some sorts.

Another thing I have noticed since managing to eat a little more that you would probably tell me to shut up and stop being silly is, I haven't eaten much or anything for the past 3-4 years now and so, everytime I eat and think about what I have eaten during the day to try ensure I don't over eat as the Gastroparesis is still obviously there, I am constantly thinking, 'omg I have eaten so much today' or 'is this enough to be eating?' or 'omg I am overeating this can't be healthy' etc....It sounds so ridiculous and silly but it is like I have lost all knowledge of how much and what I should eat each day. All I want to do is eat normally like everyone else but it has so totally messed with my brain because I have gone form nothing to something which then suddenly seems like loads. Do I sound ridiculous? I do, don't I?

 

My mood as per usual has been all over the shop and I am feeling totally hopeless with my life. I feel like my life is a mess in every aspect and just needs sorting out. What do I even want to do with my life? I feel so deflated... does that even make sense? Was that the right word or am I just talking absolute sh!t? I feel like this post has totally turned into me just rambling on about everything that's swirling round my head but then makes no sense on paper.. or atleast when it is not structured in anyway. But, that just kinda explains and shows how my head is right now I guess. Real life people, real life!

AND BREATHE SOPHIE............. haha

I'll leave it there for now, let you recover from the gobble language that just occured. I'll be back before you know it... I promise... no long break this time :)

Thanks for reading and

Stay Strong
<3