Hey All My Lovely Readers,
I must once again apologise for the lack of posting. I know I say I'm going to post more and I really do mean it, it is just that it takes concentration of which I do not have right now. I just can't seem to focus on anything from a period of time and that is once I have actually found an inch of energy.
Sleep is not exactly my friend right now. I forgot what it is like to have a decent night sleep and in turn it effects me day to day with lack of energy and concentration. Not only that it totally messes with my mood and mind set like I have mentioned before. Sometimes and by sometimes I mean most the time, all I want to do is lie on the bed with the dog all snuggled up either doing nothing or listening to music or good old youtube. Just not in the mood to interect with people..... it takes so much energy. Even this paragraph, I keep stopping and starting which is taking forever HAHA!!
Since last time, the bloods came back clear and my pain levels continue to increase. I honestly think bloods are useless these days. Then again, I didn't really have much gluten in me to give it a fair chance. I'm still keeping a gluten free diet (most the time besides when I'm naughty but then suffer the consequences (donuts). Oh my gosh I have to tell you this, it's so funny. So, I have been craving a sugary jam donut A LOT lately. So much so that when I was cuddling the dog, I could smell donuts.... FRESHLY BAKED DONUTS. I felt like the dog smelt like donuts.. like what??? My mum thought I was insane and kept telling me he actually smells like he needs a shower HAHA... Oh lord. What is my life coming to!! I'm going to need to get to the gym with all these cravings LOL :)
As per usual, my mind is all over the shop. I keep getting more possible conditions that are pretty much an obbious but just need to be confirmed now. I think I'm up to maybe 4/5 different conditions now and guess what they all have in common...... there's no cure just ways to attempt to control them and keep me as comfortable as can be. So I have my Gastroparesis as we know and I believe I have mentioned EDS to you before as well. EDS has many other illnesses that can occur due to that so basically it is screwing me over. There are also talks or POTS as well as TMJ which is to do with my clicky and sore jaw. And then there's the gluten whatever it is at the moment. POTS is to do with things like your blood pressure going up and down if you're sat down for a while or if you then stand up. It can cause hot flushes like I get as well. Once I know more about it I am going to write a whole post on it. :)
I feel like I am doomed as every time we figure out one condition, we find another one that I might have. I'm falling apart . Why can't life be easy??? I am trying so hard to remain strong and positive, but it is just soooo hard to do.
I look at my reflection in the mirror, and I see a 'normal' person... nothing looks different but if only my insides could be seen by everyone.. people might then start to have a clue how I feel day to day. It's weird because, my weight
has always been so up and down because the Gastroparesis that I'm always aware of what my body looks like and I have become so used to being so small and skinny. It sounds silly but everytime I start (and have) put on a bit weight, I suddenly feel so big like I have a big stomach. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm fat, but with all the changes my body is constantly doing, it really makes me aware and kind of uncomfortable with how I feel and how my clothes fit which was never even in my mind before all of this. At the end of the day, when I look in the mirror at myself, I shouldn't be thinking about what others would say or think, I'm in affect talking to myself about myself. I don't need to impress anyone else and only need to be comfortable and happy with in myself. I still feel like when I eat, I am eating so much especially as I try and pick at things and do it small amounts but more often. I feel like all I am doing is eating and that I am such a pig and eating so much, when, it reality, I am still eating no where near enough and not the right things my body needs. I am seeing a dietcian in a couple weeks, so hopefully she can help me find the right things that I am able to eat that fits into both my difficult diets.
On a plus, I have a new job. I have quit my job after 5 and a half years of being in the same Hotel. I now get to work in the Studios helping with Big Brother. Although it is only a 3 month contract, theres's so much potential to make contacts or find something through it. Or, even just for a fresh start. I think that is what my mind needs right now. Something new to focus on around different people and a different environment. I really think it will help my mind set by gaining experience in something I really enjoy and even studied at one point in my life. My new job starts on April 20th which is sooooo soon. I'm very excited to start a new chapter in my life and maybe my health will play along and be nice to me and give me a break. HAHAHAHA who am I kidding?!?!
Well, that is all for now.... I wont bore you any longer
Have a good day and don't forget to
a) check out my YOUTUBE
and b) keep leaving me any comments with ideas of things you would like to know more about that I can make a post about.
Untill the next time
Stay Strong
<3
Sleep is not exactly my friend right now. I forgot what it is like to have a decent night sleep and in turn it effects me day to day with lack of energy and concentration. Not only that it totally messes with my mood and mind set like I have mentioned before. Sometimes and by sometimes I mean most the time, all I want to do is lie on the bed with the dog all snuggled up either doing nothing or listening to music or good old youtube. Just not in the mood to interect with people..... it takes so much energy. Even this paragraph, I keep stopping and starting which is taking forever HAHA!!
Since last time, the bloods came back clear and my pain levels continue to increase. I honestly think bloods are useless these days. Then again, I didn't really have much gluten in me to give it a fair chance. I'm still keeping a gluten free diet (most the time besides when I'm naughty but then suffer the consequences (donuts). Oh my gosh I have to tell you this, it's so funny. So, I have been craving a sugary jam donut A LOT lately. So much so that when I was cuddling the dog, I could smell donuts.... FRESHLY BAKED DONUTS. I felt like the dog smelt like donuts.. like what??? My mum thought I was insane and kept telling me he actually smells like he needs a shower HAHA... Oh lord. What is my life coming to!! I'm going to need to get to the gym with all these cravings LOL :)
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| Do You Agree? |
I feel like I am doomed as every time we figure out one condition, we find another one that I might have. I'm falling apart . Why can't life be easy??? I am trying so hard to remain strong and positive, but it is just soooo hard to do.
I look at my reflection in the mirror, and I see a 'normal' person... nothing looks different but if only my insides could be seen by everyone.. people might then start to have a clue how I feel day to day. It's weird because, my weight
 |
| Don't worry about what others look like, look at what you look like and be comfortable with yourself! |
Well, that is all for now.... I wont bore you any longer
Have a good day and don't forget to
a) check out my YOUTUBE
and b) keep leaving me any comments with ideas of things you would like to know more about that I can make a post about.
Untill the next time
Stay Strong
<3
